10,000 B.C. Director Roland Emmerich is usually a stickler for realism (see: sending a computer virus via Macintosh to aliens in Independence Day).
So we hate to inform him that woolly mammoths were not, in fact, used
to build pyramids. Heck, woolly mammoths weren't even found in the
desert. They wouldn't need to be woolly if that were the case. And
there weren't any pyramids in Egypt until 2,500 B.C or so.
Gladiator. Emperor
Commodus was not the sniveling sister-obsessed creep portrayed in the
movie. A violent alcoholic, sure, but not so whiny. He ruled ably for
over a decade rather than ineptly for a couple months. He also didn't
kill his father, Marcus Aurelius, who actually died of chickenpox. And
instead of being killed in the gladiatorial arena, he was murdered in
his bathtub.
300.Though
this paean to ancient moral codes and modern physical training is based
on the real Battle of Thermopylae, the film takes many stylistic
liberties. The most obvious one being Persian king Xerxes was not an
8-foot-tall Cirque du Soleil reject. The Spartan council was made up of
men over the age of 60, with no one as young as Theron (played by
37-year-old Dominic West). And the warriors of Sparta went into battle wearing bronze armor, not just leather Speedos.
The Last Samurai. The
Japanese in the late 19th century did hire foreign advisers to
modernize their army, but they were mostly French, not American. Ken Watanabe's
character was based on the real Saigo Takamori who committed ritual
suicide, or "seppuku," in defeat rather than in a volley of Gatling gun
fire. Also, it's doubtful that a 40-something alcoholic Civil War vet,
even one with great hair, would master the chopsticks much less the
samurai sword.
Apocalypto. This
one movie has given entire Anthropology departments migraines. Sure the
Maya did have the odd human sacrifice but not to Kulkulkan, the Sun
God, and only high-ranking captives taken in battle were killed. The
conquistadors arriving at the end of the film made for unlikely
saviors: an estimated 90% of indigenous American population was killed
by smallpox from their infected livestock.
Memoirs of a Geisha. The
geisha coming-of-age, called "mizuage," was really more of a makeover,
where she changed her hairstyle and clothes. It didn't involve her
getting... intimate with a client. In the climactic scene where Sayuri
wows Gion patrons with her dancing prowess, her routine - which
involves some platform shoes, fake snow, and a strobe light - seems
more like a Studio 54 drag show than anything in pre-war Kyoto.
Braveheart. Let's
forget the fact that kilts weren't worn in Scotland until about 300
years after William Wallace's day and just do some simple math.
According to the movie, Wallace's blue-eyed charm at the Battle of
Falkirk was so overpowering, he seduced King Edward II's wife, Isabella
of France, and the result of their affair was Edward III. But according
to the history books, Isabella was three years old at the time of
Falkirk, and Edward III was born seven years after Wallace died.
Elizabeth: The Golden Age. In 1585, when the movie takes place, Queen Elizabeth was 52 years old - Cate Blanchett
was 36 when she shot the film - and was not being courted by suitors
like Ivan the Terrible (who was dead by then). And though the movie has
her rallying the troops at Tilbury astride a white steed in full armor
with a sword, in fact she rode side saddle, carrying a baton. She was
more of a regal majorette than Joan of Arc.
The Patriot. Revolutionary War figure Francis "The Swamp Fox" Marion was the basis for Mel Gibson's
character, but he wasn't the forward-thinking family man they show in
the flick. He was a slave owner who didn't get married (to his cousin)
until after the war was over. Historians also say that he actively
persecuted and murdered native Cherokees. Plus, the thrilling Battle of
Guilford Court House where he vanquishes his British nemesis? In
reality, the Americans lost that one.
2001: A Space Odyssey. According
to this film, in year 2001 we would have had manned voyages to Jupiter,
a battle of wits with a sentient computer, and a quantum leap in human
evolution. Instead we got the Mir Space Station falling from the sky,
Windows XP, and Freddy Got Fingered. Apparently the lesson here is that sometimes it's better when the movies get the facts all wrong.
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